Gee.

Some guy wrote an aticle about how much he hates Zach Braff.
…Not that I agree with everything he had to say, but I reckon he’s got a couple of good points, and it’s a hilarious article nonetheless.

And although there is already a link to this video in the article, I wanted to put it here because it’s so damn funny. Whoa Nelly!

My name is Inigo Montoya, you killed my father…

Prepare to die. Yeahhhh…you knew what came next. We’ve all seen The Princess Bride a million times, I’m sure. What does this have to do with anything, you ask? Well, I was reading Dear Prudence last week in Slate Magazine and was shocked by this: *clears throat* Dear Prudie, I’m in love. But I’ve got a terrible secret. I accidentally killed my girlfriend’s father over 20 years ago. I’ve never told anyone…

I can’t even say “Well, first things first:” because my head just exploded (again). What’s first? And what’s second? Is there even a first or is everything muddled up? Is there something he should know before the next thing on the list? Gotta love messy situations. After all, that’s what Prudence is there for. *tries to think* So…why…of all the women in the world….he chose to date that man’s daughter is beyond me. Was it a star crossed love? Yeah, I’m thinking no. He knew it was her, from the second he “ran into her”. It wasn’t like “Oh, you’re that Sally!” ten dates into it. How do you even walk upright with a burden that heavy? Anyway, he knew who her father was. He did the math. And then he fell head over heels. Now, I’m already wondering why this man never came forward. I can understand that it was an accident, that he was playing a really stupid game and something horrible happened as a result…he was young and frightened and probably wanted to run away. But what is this – Mystic River? How is this man keeping a secret well into his 30’s about something so tragic? How is he contemplating never telling his fiance for sake of their “great” love? I know love is selfish, but is it that selfish? I’m thinking that no matter if what happened 20 years ago was an accident, this kind of behavior is disgusting. What a pussy.

Zach Braff, where have you been all my life?

Andy and I were at Best Buy today when I came across the soundtrack for Zach Braff’s latest movie The Last Kiss (also known as Yet another trite film about how hard it is to just settle down, already. Or: Why can’t I get just one kiss… from a hooker?) I flipped it over and noticed the pre-requesite Imogen Heap and other such mellow indie/alt/rock bits. Snow Patrol, Aimee Mann, Coldplay, Rachel Yamagata. Oh, and let’s not forget Fiona Apple. Her song “Paper Bag” was chosen because Rachel Bilson can’t act her way out of one. So I flip it back over to see a blue sticker in the upper left hand corner stating: Songs hand-picked by Zach Braff himself! Did I immediately clasp the CD to my heart and proclaim it golden?

Nah. See, ZB (which is an AWESOME nickname, right?) is getting altogether too much credit for making what we’ve all been making for ETERNITY. It’s called mixed tapes, ya’ll. I’ve made tons for friends and family and for myself…I’m just that good. I’m gonna ship them off to Hollywood tout de suite with a note on each saying: Use this “soundtrack” for any coming of age drama. One CD fits all. Braff’s already won a grammy (!) for his first mixed tape, which did clue some of people into Frou Frou and The Shins. I said some, though. Thanks for that Braff. But let’s not get too over excited shall we? For example: I once read a review of Imogen Heap’s album Speak for Yourself where Frou Frou was credited as Zach Braff’s Frou Frou. *blinks* Huh?