2 weeks until I go back to work. 2 WEEKS. How did 10 weeks go by so quickly? 10 weeks were an eternity when I was pregnant. Now? Gone in a flash. I really resent that. I’d like time to drag now, thanks.
We found a child care center to put Z in, and we’ve both decided to do a 4 day work week so that he only spends three days there. I think that it’ll help us freak out less AND save us a good chunk of cash too. (Ha. Did I just say we’d be saving? Will that be possible?) Andy’ll be able to visit him at lunch if he wants; it’ll be a bit more difficult for me since I work in North Portland, but I’ll definitely try. I’ve started freezing some of my milk but I need to really start pumping my ass off to get ready for the weeks ahead. And I mean pumping my ass off in the literal sense too since all this milk distribution will keep burning off those pesky calories. Not that I’d want to lose my ass. The remaining extra flab on my stomach would be nice though.
I’ve been so tired and cranky lately. Lately meaning the last couple of months. I feel so ashamed of the way that I sometimes bark at Andy, especially since he’s been so great, but then I do it all over again! My finger’s stuck on the damn repeat button. Must. break. cycle. I guess acknowledging that you have a problem is the first step right? I just feel so drained sometimes, and I know that it’ll get worse when I go back to work. I just feel sometimes that I’m doing everything wrong; breastfeeding and pumping have been really taxing for me. I have gotten the hang of sleeping AND breastfeeding at the same time, though. MAN, does that make me feel like a champ. A popular reaction to Andy and I deciding to do co-sleeping (mostly our co-workers), has been something like “Oh I couldn’t do that, I really need my sleep.” or how they’d be too afraid that the baby was getting too attached to the parent to fall asleep on his or her own down the line (the thing about co-sleeping that worried me most was crushing my kid, not losing out on sleep…and THAT was also fueled by other people’s opinions/comments, come to think of it). I hope the attachment thing won’t be a problem, but how exactly does putting the baby in a crib or in another room guarantee you sleep?? I’d have to wake up, stand up and walk somewhere else, pick up the baby, feed the baby, put down the baby, walk BACK over to my bed…and fall right back to sleep. Nah. Not me. If I’m awake and active, it takes me a while to get back to sleep…and THAT? Is not fun. Whereas now, I can simply roll over and attach Z to my breast and pass back out. It doesn’t work like a charm all of the time, but I feel like sleep deprevation + carrying baby to and fro = multiple injuries to child and mother. Yup. Seems crystal clear to me. I realize that this is the only way that I can get the little bit of sleep I’m getting, so for now, the kid stays with us. Once he starts sleeping through the night, we’ll transfer him to a crib.
No matter how frustrating breastfeeding can be, I feel like breast milk is the best thing I can give Z, and I will work hard at giving it to him even if it’s uncomfortable for me (and my poor nipples). It’s annoying that when I complain about these things sometimes people just assume that I should go straight to formula feeding. I’m not really a “boob nazi” or anything; my nephews were fed formula and it worked out great. I just prefer breast milk.
Hey. Meet Astro Boy.
Z is starting to really enjoy mobiles. He looks up at them and smiles and talks to them animatedly. I mean he REALLY gets a kick out of looking at them…btw Zain is in his swing right now and carrying on a full conversation with the little animals. It’s nice, I can sit him in his swing and take a breather when I need to.