Monthly Archives: April 2009

Trying really hard to like Kevin Smith

But dammit! It’s just not going to happen. Sorry Andy.

Zack and Miri make a Porno is a horrible movie. It wasn’t funny, it wasn’t touching, but it was just plain gross. And I’m sure Kevin Smith would be proud of that.

I know “Judd Apatow probably wouldn’t have a career without Kevin Smith” (yeah right), but just because someone came before someone else doesn’t mean that person deserves all this praise and gratitude for opening up some imaginary door, okay? Because the door was never really opened. I can imagine someone running and slamming against that door really hard repeatedly, and then someone coming up behind him and easily turning the knob. It’s like Excalibur, okay? And Judd Apatow is King Arthur. Kevin Smith has never mastered the art of balancing the schmaltz and the ick. Ever. Every time he goes for something heartfelt it comes across as lame, and it’s pretty hard not to get your goal when you go for the gross out effect. And even that felt like he was trying too hard. Oh, you’re shooting an anal scene and you’re sooooo constipated? I wonder if anyone is going to get shit on…? Just stop it.

Every time Elizabeth Banks is supposed to feel something , she got this goofy smile on her face and Andy would ask me, “What the FUCK is she doing?” She’s emoting, Andy. She’s emoting. Because the rest of the world doesn’t know what falling in love looks like, she thought she would break it down nice and easy. I read somewhere that she wanted the audience to really feel that she was “over the moon” for Seth’s character because she never got that impression from Katherine Heigl in Knocked Up. Sure, okay. But I keep thinking of that scene in Knocked Up where Alison and Ben are sitting on her bed and deciding to be together for the baby and Alison asks Ben not to fuck her over and Ben asks her not to fuck HIM over??? I’ll take it. You know why? Because it worked.

Seth Rogen wasn’t much better.  I think both of these actors are hilarious/lovely/good in everything else BUT this movie. This leads me to believe that it’s all Kevin Smith’s fault.  You should’ve let them ad-lib Kevin! It would’ve  improved your script immensely! (*Don’t even get me started on Craig Robinson’s cheesy ass speech at the end of the movie. My ears are still bleeding.)

Kevin Smith! Stop the douchebaggery!


Filed under Movie Review, Nice try, though, Truly?

Dude, find a new analogy

My bathroom reading lately has been Rolling Stone; this morning I had just finished perusing the February 19th issue and was starting in on the April 16th one when I noticed an odd similarity:

From Sean Penn: The Rolling Stone interview

One of my editors — and he meant this as a compliment — compared your playing Milk to Michael Jordan playing baseball, except you were successful. Meaning that you seem to choose increasingly difficult roles, as a way of challenging yourself.

That’s not the way I view it, really. With this character, I assume most of that perception is related to homosexuality. There’s a thing Cleve Jones [a Milk campaign worker, portrayed in the film by Emile Hirsch] said early on. He said gay-rights activists, talking about straights who are sympathetic to the movement, will often say, “They’re just like us — it’s just the sex is different.” And Cleve said, “It’s actually quite the opposite — we’re nothing like you, it’s just that the sex is the same.” And that’s really true. There’s more shared with American blacks — growing up with a level of oppression, and what kind of personalities are bred out of that, either fighters or those who succumb or whatever.

From Life On Planet Wayne

When I tell Wayne the rock album makes me think of Michael Jordan deciding he wanted to play baseball, he ignores the negative connotation of the comment – the fact that Jordan was throughly mediocre at baseball and transformed himself, overnight, from dignified retired sports icon to national punch line – and instead chooses to focus on the fact that he’s just been compared to Michael Jordan.

Really?! I can just see Sean Penn and Lil Wayne shifting their eyes back and forth like, “Um, what?! Not really, no.”

I wait with bated breath for the next issue of Rolling Stone to see what else is like Michael Jordan playing baseball. Seriously, though… I’m going to try to use this analogy in every possible situation and see if it works.


Filed under Truly?

Crazy beans with a side of awesomesauce

That’s basically my life right now. I’ve got a lot of emotions going on over here. There’s the overwhelming love I feel whenever I look at one (or both) of my boys, the overwhelming sense of pride when Z points at Mad’s nose and says, “No!” which of course means nose, unless he’s not pointing at a nose, and then it means no. He says no. A LOT. So then there’s that overwhelming sense of restraint when he screams it at me: I restrain myself from spanking my kid until he -what did my parents say?- can’t sit down for a week. Then he does something adorable again and I think I could never lift a finger to harm him.

Z is getting really attached to Bearison Ford, his Panda Bear. I think it might have something to do with trying to mimic holding a child himself. In any case, it’s very adorable. He woke up from a nap yesterday very fussy and only calmed down when Andy handed him his bear. (!) Also, he’s very obsessed with learning new words.

I’ve been trying to wear breastfeeding friendly tops to promote less nudity in public (the little we do go out) but to no avail: I exposed my large breasts (which were full of milk and practically bursting out of my bra) to a good many people at Fred Meyer’s a couple of days ago. I was wearing a henley top that decided to pop open at least three buttons – and I remained innocently unaware until I was loading the groceries into the car. *sigh*

I got two wisdom teeth extracted yesterday. Andy took the day off to help out with the kids and I’m glad he did. It was hard to focus on anything besides my aching mouth. I can’t believe you have to pay people to pull teeth out of your head WITH PLIERS. Isn’t that a form of torture? Mind you, the numbing helped with the pain but didn’t keep me from shaking like a leaf in fear. PLIERS.

Zain is throwing a fit. I suppose I should see to that.


Filed under Crazy Life, Mad Miles, Shit just got real, Z the Mighty

Multiple baby

I decided to compare pictures of the boys when they were both a month old. Z is on the left, Mad on the right. Or is Mad on the left and Z on the right? Hmmmmmm? *shifty eyes*

Z and Mad

Z and Mad

Here’s one of the two of them sleeping:

Sleeping babes

Sleeping babes

That? Is the sound of my heart melting.


Filed under Mad Miles, Pictures, Z the Mighty