After renting Sweeney Todd through Netflix, I let it sit on the counter in the living room for at least a week, not quite ready for the blood and gore. Because meat pie = vomittt. I watched a movie once where SIR Anthony Hopkins fed plain ole Jessica Lange her sons that were cooked into a meat pie. And it was so red and bright and gushy as she was digging into it, not realizing that she was the only one really digging it, because doi. *covers mouth*
Titus! That’s it! That movie was kind of awesome, though. So anyway, my sister Bethany and I were chatting one night and she mentioned Sweeney Todd and the amazing score, encouraging me to watch it if only for that. I decided to buck up and do so. I mean, I love 28 Days Later, and that movie is all kinds of gross. I can take a little blood and cannibalism! And let me tell you, if I wasn’t aware that Stephen Sondheim was god before, I am now. I feeeeel you Stephen, I feel you. And I’ll steal you, too.
*sidenote* Tim Burton seems to have a thing for pale blond girl-women who are hideous but are supposedly breathtaking. Is it a gothic thing? The whole story balances on the supposed beauty of this broad:
for which nothing would’ve even gone down if she wasn’t so damn BEAUTIFUL. There was a barber and his wife, see…and she was BEAUTIFUL. So beautiful that some judge sees her and absolutely needs to be with her, husband be damned! He throws some random charge at Benjamin (Barker, the innocent barber) who gets sent off to prison for fifteen years and returns as Sweeney (Todd, the demon barber). In those fifteen years, the judge tried sending flowers, and when that didn’t work, he raped Lucy (the BEAUTIFUL wife) in front of loads of people at a costume party. And. no one. stopped. him. Know why? Because there’s a hole in the world like a great black pit, and the vermin of the world inhabit it, and its morals aren’t worth what a pin can spit, and it goes by the name of London. So Lucy takes a bunch of arsenic and the judge takes her daughter. OOkay. And the daughter? Johanna? She’s also BEAUTIFUL. She mesmerizes a lad at mere sight with the power of her “beauty”.
If you ask me, why go after the judge? It’s these Barker women who should be stopped! Driving men knackers, the shame! So Sweeney Todd and Mrs. Lovett (Helena Bonham Carter, who is my absolute favorite crazy person-actress), go to town on the people of London, he for love of his wife, she for love of him. There’s a lot of singing and slitting of throats, the end.
You know what was BEAUTIFUL? Sweeney’s razors. They’re shiny! He calls them his friends. And sings to them. That’s the real love story here, if you ask me.