Category Archives: Rant

Going green




SAM_1595Thrifted ON dress, thrifted Talula leggings, Miz Mooz flats

I’ll be 19 weeks tomorrow. I’m gonna go ahead and say I’m already halfway there,  since twins usually come early.  Pretty please? I don’t know if I’ll be able to make it to 40 weeks anyway, I’m already so tired and achy and out of breath from walking up the stairs to my bedroom. I say this even thought they’re moving around as I write this and I love it. But I want to make it to 37 weeks at least, I hope. I want them full term and healthy.

I’m gonna try to force myself make it to prenatal swimming tonight, I’ve been planning on going for the last two weeks but I can’t seem to get myself to get everything together and leave. Sitting or laying in one place is much preferred to MOVING and DOING STUFF. But I know I will enjoy it so I really need to do it.

Z has been out from school for the past several weeks and it’s been a challenge juggling all three boys’ needs (yeah yeah I know, FIVE soon), especially when we go out because I get comments from people about how my hands are full and I’m just so sick of hearing it. It’s usually just a one-off and not an attempt at an actual conversation. Yes, yes, I know. It’s true! Clearly we are all readers of Duh Aficionado magazine. It’s so obnoxious that people think I’m brave simply for leaving the house. The worst is when someone actually says, “Bless your heart!” REALLY? Look, I have stuff to do. Also, my kids will not always be on their best behavior because they’re not effing robots. DEAL. It chaps my hide when one or all of the boys are making a fuss and people get this disgruntled look on their faces as if they didn’t know they were in a “child-friendly zone” or whatever.  Taking your dog everywhere is okay…but kids? Ugh!

Okay, now that I think about it, I AM brave for leaving the house. 😛







Filed under Preggers in PDX, Rant, Stylefile, Thrift/Vintage


What I’ve been wearing lately:

Tulle jacket, FM shirt, Fossil skirt, Me Too flats and a pair of dead eyes

Target cardigan, Anthro shirt and dress, HUE tights, Sock Dreams socks, Frye boots, French doctor bag (Etsy) and a bandaid

Anthro tank (Buffalo Exchange), UO jeans, Fossil pumps

Close up of the shoooooooes.

Besides dressing myself I’ve also been doing a lot of reading and catching up on my favorite shows (New Girl, Parks and Rec, Up All Night). I’ve been watching Scandal and enjoying it because I ignore the dialogue and focus on this:

That’ll do, pig. That’ll do.

Tony Goldwyn is my JAM (Which …stands for Jen’s Actor Man). *shifty eyes* Yep. Back in the day my family would watch Dirty Dancing on repeat because my mom had an obsession with Patrick Swayze. Naturally we also watched Ghost too many times to count. I remember watching and thinking Um, Patrick WHO? I remember thinking that if I was Molly? I’d forgive Carl in a second. So what if he was indirectly responsible for Sam’s death? Cut the guy some slack. We ALL make mistakes.

Carl: It was a goof.

Molly: Shhhh. You had me at “it”.

Remember his psychiatrist character from Dexter who likes to let his “wolf” out for a big meal every now and again?! Chilling. And this is the part when I say “when he’s bad he’s EVEN BETTER!” but I’d be lying. I like when he plays nice. It makes me feel less guilty about taking his side.

Anyway. Scandal. I wrote a post four years ago about how Shonda’s signature style really grates on my nerves and I swear, it still rings true today. The repetition is NO JOKE.

Somebody must’ve pissed her off by saying “But above all things, show, don’t tell” And she was like, “I’ll show them. I mean I’ll TELL them. I’ll tell them a thing or two.” AND SHE NEVER STOPPED WITH THE WORDS.

“You’re/I’m the leader of the free world!”

“She’s/I’m Olivia Pope!”

“I’m/You’re a gladiator in a suit!”

At no time does anyone ever ask the president if he’s the leader of the free world because they already know the answer! And yet…AND YET. People keep repeating it until finally you shout at the television screen: I GET IT! Dude’s got power.

That’s a powerful dude.

At no point does anyone ever have to ask Olivia Pope, “And you are…?” Because, duh. Did you not hear the man on that roof over there shouting it to the heavens? She’s Olivia Pope, moron. Let us remind you another million times. She also wears a white hat, whatever the hell that means.

Olivia Pope, wearing a white hat.

And at no point does Russell Crowe show up in a suit*.

Russell Crowe, in a suit.

But. She had me at “black female lead” so I will watch all of the things (To be fair, she also had me at Kerry Washington, Tony Goldwyn, Columbus Short, and Guillermo Diaz).



*Get it? Because he played a gladiator in a movie? It was a movie called Gladiator.


Filed under Rant, Stylefile, TV

The Worst

I am so angry at this trailer right now.

So this girl falls in love with this guy but not for superficial reasons, the reasons are super deep and multi-layered. See, he’s a lacrosse player. *crickets* Oh, did she mention lacrosse is a Native American sport. *more crickets, maybe an eagle soaring overhead* What’s happening. Oh, Iraq. Now his father’s dead. Now he’s doing bad things with that crosse. Whoa what do you know, a Native American (Adam Beach, natch) is taking Klutz to the “6 nations workcamp” where I’m sure he’ll learn what it means to be a warrior? WHAT. IS. HAPPENING.

First of all, thank you Perez for so eloquently saying what we’re all thinking (“Twi-hards out there are going to love this!”). The only reason anyone would watch this piece of shit is because ZOMG look it’s Vamp #1 and #2 (I refuse to name their characters and let on how deep my knowledge of Twilight runs) and look there are Natives who may or may not be werewolves!!! In the TWILIGHT of their youth…THERE IS LITERALLY SMOKE COMING OUT OF MY NOSTRILS RIGHT NOW ARE YOU SERIOUS?!!!!.

Secondly, not only is there a Kellan Lutz in this movie (Klutz?! Really parents?!) but there’s also a CHORD OVERSTREET?


Why Adam Beach?!!!





Filed under Movies, Rant, Truly?

In a nutshell

What is it with movie trailers lately?  Aren’t they supposed to inform us TO A POINT? Leave us wanting more?

Take this trailer, for instance. Letters to Juliet. Girl is in a relationship with the lovely but distracted Gael Garcia Bernal. He cares way too much about pasta! I wonder if she’ll find someone who can’t live without her? Well, off to Verona where Romeo first met Juliet, two people who could not live without each other. I sense a theme! Girl finds a letter written in 1957 and answers it, bringing an elderly woman and her hot young grandson into her life. She goes on a road trip with them (because that isn’t strange at all) to find an elderly Italian man with the same name as a bunch of other elderly Italian men. Oh no, where is he? WILL HE BE FOUND? She calls her boyfriend, who, again, can’t be bothered. She does incredibly romantic things with the grandson and distracts him from driving. Grandma finds her lost love on a horse. Long looks over wine, wedding attire, AND IT KEEPS GOING. I now know exactly what’s going to happen in the entire movie, and could probably write a review about it. *BLINK*

One of my favorite things to do is to watch movie trailers. If I arrive late to a movie and miss them, I’m kind of pissed about it. That’s why I watch all of them online. Like when I saw the one for (500) Days of Summer? Instantly had to see the movie. I was counting down, it was the best feeling. Unfortunately, sometimes a trailer is so awesomesauce that the movie pales in comparison (this was apparently the case with Terminator Salvation, according to my sister). Another great one? A Single Man. Almost don’t want to ruin it by seeing the movie.

A trailer has GOT to strike right balance. Who can’t get that right?! Can I apply for the job? Because I think I could do it well.

Better than these fuckers, anyway.


Filed under Movies, Rant

All I wanted to do was go to the effing movies

Every time someone babysits my kids I kind of freak out a little. I can count the amount of times Andy and I have left the boys in the care of someone else (not counting daycare) on one hand because we’d rather miss out on date night than worry about one of them freaking out and me/us not being there to soothe him/them. Fun with pronouns! Anyway, when Zain was three months old, Andy’s parents were in town and had agreed to babysit while we went to Andy’s company party. I told my father-in-law to hold Z facing outwards if he got upset and he’d immediately calm down. That little tidbit of information, I explained, was really all he needed. Cut to two hours later when my fil calls us at the party, little Z screaming in the background.

“He’s been crying for an hour nonstop!” my fil said. “I really think something’s wrong with him.”

“TURN HIM AROUND.” Andy coached.

“Oh, hey, it’s working!” my fil yelled (he yells a lot). “Why didn’t you tell me this earlier?” ARGH. The evening was shot. I kept hearing Z cry in my head long after Andy hung up the phone. My baby was crying for an HOUR?! Poor little guy. We left the party. Did we overreact? Sure. But we were new parents! You know how it is.

So now every time someone babysits for us, I immediately plan for the worst. “If Zain completely flips out you can try A, B, and C…” I basically freak the babysitter the fuck out before the night’s even begun. You know, start the night off on the right foot and all that. Just trying to do my part. Of course, wouldn’t you know it, Z and Mad were perfect angels. I like to think it was the 2 mile walk that I forced us all to take beforehand that left Z tuckered out and complaisant.

So Andy and I made our way to the theatre sweaty and anxious. Our first roadblock, literally, was that the 405-S was closed that day. We kind of knew this, but we hoped that roadwork had finished the day before and decided to take a chance. Which is probably not the best course of action when you’ve only got ten minutes to spare. YEP. We doubled back the way we came and took the super annoying detour route to our destination. I checked my watch. We were going to miss the previews. Meh. I could live with that, since I watch them all on anyway. We park.  We figure that since it’s Sunday, we don’t have to pay for a parking sticker. NOPE. As of July 31st or somesuch nonsense, the city of Portland decided to bend us all over and … you get the idea. But HUH? We have to pay for parking on Sundays now? WHAT?! Way to suck Portland. So we go to the machine to buy said sticker. It is broken. We go across the street. It too is broken. We go a block over. The sad song continues, until we finally manage to track down a working machine what felt like ten minutes later. Then we book it to the theatre. THE MOVIE HAD ALREADY STARTED. This irritated me to no end. But I moved on and laughed and cringed and laughed some more.

Got back to the car and guess what? A lovely yellow envelope lay beneath our windshield wipers. Every car on the car sported one, their owners having decided that a broken machine meant they got a free pass. NOPE. And when we pulled the ticket from the envelope? We noticed that we weren’t even ticketed for going over our time limit. One of our tags had fallen off. So basically, Mr/s Douchebag  had to have a full set. Can’t have one car without a ticket!

So many shades of lame!


Filed under Good times, Portland, Rant, Truly?

Vampires kind of suck

New Moon.

So many things bother me about the trailer for New Moon. KRISTEN STEWART being the main thing. Blinkety blink blink. BLINK. Not feeling the love. And why is her mouth always open? Didn’t anyone ever tell her that a closed mouth catches no flies? No? What I don’t get is that her mouth is closed like a steel trap while “passionately” kissing Edward/Robert (this is also true in Twilight)?! I’m so confused. Ya’ll are supposed to be really into each other right? Like star crossed lovers? You open your mouth when he kisses you young lady!

So I’ve watched Twilight, and while I think the movie is pretty overwhelmingly bad I can’t help but love Robert Pattinson. I feel bad for him, in a way, having to do so many things that are so completely laughable with a straight face-that must be hard! But then he’s probably laughing all the way to the bank, so there’s that.

And then there’s True Blood (Andy and I finished the first season a couple of weeks ago). Don’t get me wrong: the show is right entertaining.  But REALLY?? Sookie Stackhouse can’t beat the men off of her fast enough?  Anna PaquinUm, no. Anna Paquin is cute, okay?  But she makes me laugh with her unnecessary intense facial expressions (complete with labored breathing, deep swallows, and if we’re really lucky: a curled lip!) and stilted walk. Not sexy. I especially love how Sookie’s BBFF Tara (Rutina Wesley) has to desperately grab at her sloppy seconds to even get some(!).

My main issue with Paquin is that she can’t really act to save her life (I don’t care that she won an Oscar… when she was ELEVEN).  I mostly kept watching because of Lafayette and Tara, who kept me laughing even when the storyline made me want to scream (Arlene and Terry aren’t so bad either). Andy has already said all of the following before – but there was little to no continuity. Sookie reads minds! Except for now, when it would really come in handy. Right!  That makes total sense. And vampire blood affects everyone differently: Jason drinks a vial and has to have blood drained from his penis, while Sookie drinks that much or more and is just peachy. Kay. I do love that theme song though… I wanna do bad things to you. Hopefully the second season is better.


Filed under Rant, TV

When I grow up

I want to be a mechanic like Megan Fox in Transformers.

That's totes how you look under the hood of a car

That's totes how you look under the hood of a car

No one will really care that I don’t actually know how to fix anything as long as I do stuff like this:

All work and no play, that's me

I love getting my hands dirty


In “Revenge,” you flee evil Decepticons for just about the entire movie. At least your male co-stars hauled butt in comfy sneakers — you were in heels!
Megan: Stilettos — and for the last part of the film, motorcycle boots. I had major shinsplints and threw out my back a couple times. Beyond that, Michael likes everyone freakishly tan, so we were painted maroon, like in the old Westerns when they hired Caucasians to play Native Americans. I had on fake eyelashes, running through the desert with sand stuck in them, and I’m sweating off all the makeup. It looked like we were making a tragedy.

For serious???!!! Is that supposed to be a funny anecdote? Because it sounds like a nightmare. But this is just accepted as part of the “Michael Bay experience”. Haha, you know how Bay is! Good times… Argh! I thought she looked dirty in the first film. WTF? So many, many shades of lame.

Here’s an interview with Gabrielle Union re: Bad Boys 2:

UGO:: In that one scene with your wire on that tiny dress – how did that work?

GU: You know, that wire also functioned as my mic for the scene, so it had to work, and we had to make that work. It was very tricky, I will say. Where the pack was…was not the most comfortable of places. You can use your imagination on that one.

UGO:: How are you able to wear those heels?

Gabrielle UnionGU: The Jimmy Choos? They had to go. They cut out this scene where once they save me at the mansion, I have to sprint down the steps, sprint outside, we are running through the thing, jumping into the lagoon, and I am dipping in the grass. They are like, “OK, you look ridiculous.” We had to add this little shot where you see me throwing off my shoes to make it a little more believable, because I was falling down the steps. I was just watching behind-the-scenes footage of the day that we blew up the house, and I’m running down the steps, and you see me falling the whole way down. I don’t know how they cut that together but I was falling the whole way down the steps. It was terrible. Jimmy Choos are made to prance in, not do action movies.

YA THINK???!!!

I hate you Michael Bay.


Filed under Movies, Nice try, though, Rant, Truly?