Category Archives: Movies

The Worst

I am so angry at this trailer right now.

So this girl falls in love with this guy but not for superficial reasons, the reasons are super deep and multi-layered. See, he’s a lacrosse player. *crickets* Oh, did she mention lacrosse is a Native American sport. *more crickets, maybe an eagle soaring overhead* What’s happening. Oh, Iraq. Now his father’s dead. Now he’s doing bad things with that crosse. Whoa what do you know, a Native American (Adam Beach, natch) is taking Klutz to the “6 nations workcamp” where I’m sure he’ll learn what it means to be a warrior? WHAT. IS. HAPPENING.

First of all, thank you Perez for so eloquently saying what we’re all thinking (“Twi-hards out there are going to love this!”). The only reason anyone would watch this piece of shit is because ZOMG look it’s Vamp #1 and #2 (I refuse to name their characters and let on how deep my knowledge of Twilight runs) and look there are Natives who may or may not be werewolves!!! In the TWILIGHT of their youth…THERE IS LITERALLY SMOKE COMING OUT OF MY NOSTRILS RIGHT NOW ARE YOU SERIOUS?!!!!.

Secondly, not only is there a Kellan Lutz in this movie (Klutz?! Really parents?!) but there’s also a CHORD OVERSTREET?

STOP.

Why Adam Beach?!!!

 

 

 

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Filed under Movies, Rant, Truly?

I’m in love, I’m in love, and I don’t care who knows it!

What I’m wearing:

Enhance.

HELLO, LOVERS.

Fur Collar: Ebay. Cardigan: Fossil. Skirt: J. Crew. Tights: Sock Dreams. Booties: Piperlime (on sale!).

That’s basically how I feel about these Desert Boots. Except I did the running man.

What I’ve been watching (What I’ve watched? You get it):

The Republic of Love.

Gosh. What a wonderful movie. Absolutely, positively splendid.

Bruce Greenwood. Every time Andy sees him he says, “Hey, Nowhere Man! That was a good show.” Every. single. time. He really liked it, I guess? Yeah. So now, even though I’ve never seen it I think, “Hey, it’s Nowhere Man!” every. single. time. I see Bruce Greenwood.

And then there’s Emilia Fox, who will FOREVER be Georgiana, sister to Fitzwilliam Darcy.

Look what I made!

In a nutshell? Nowhere Man (a thrice married radio talk show host) and Georgiana (a mermaid researcher) fall in love at first sight. In Canada.

It’s pretty awesome.

 

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Filed under Happy Feet, Movies, Stylefile

Clothes? Nah, Jeff Bridges ramblefest

Beanie: Target. Cardigan: Gap. Skirts: Fossil. Tights: Sock Dreams. Brogues: Franco Sarto. Fur Collar: Ebay.

I almost got rid of this cardigan, it’s been sitting in our Goodwill pile for ages. The other day I spied it and thought it looked cute again. And behold, it IS cute again! Truly, was it ever NOT cute? That will remain a mystery, my friends. Anyway, then I grabbed the entire pile, eager to see if  I had made any other rash judgments. Sadly, no. So long striped skirt with the odd pleat puff thing in the front! Farewell boxy plaid skirt that hangs on my hips! Auf Weidersehen floral skirt that makes me look like I have no shape at all! Alas, I cannot turn ALL my trash into treasure.

I really should drop that stuff off at Goodwill tout de suite.

Anyway.

Andy and I saw Tron: Legacy last week (a date! a date!), which was a whole lot of MEH but the soundtrack was THE HOTNESS. Oh, and Jeff Bridges? Something something Henry Higgins something elocution lessons something buttload of marbles … I’m too lazy to form a witty joke but you get the general idea, right? Seriously, WHAT ARE YOU SAYING, MAN? Oh, Jeff. *clips chin* Don’t ever change. I love you just the way you are and I really really want to see True Grit.

Jeff Bridges, do you know that I’ve never seen The Big Lebowski? *ducks* That’s right. Mostly because every dude that I knew in college with Bob Marley and Sublime posters on their walls swore it was the Best Thing Ever and I was like, oooh but have you ever seen Starman?

I mean you no harm Jenny Hayden.

And I’d tell them what it was about and they’d say, “Cool!” when I mentioned aliens and then their eyes would glaze over when I got to the silly details like adorable head cocking and apple pie eating and falling in love. You know, the stuff that KILLS me. The stuff that I watch over and over again.

Of course I also loved the original Tron. Fearless was wonderful. White Squall was terrible but the eye candy made up for it. The Fabulous Baker Boys will forever be seared into my brain because I remember my older sister whispering to me the details of the sex scene: “And then…OH MY GOD, AND THEN he slid his hands into her dress and CUPPED HER BREASTS!” The Mirror Has Two Faces was sweet but, and I can’t believe I’m saying this, the ending was a little embarrassing with the dipping and swooning and knee buckling and kissing. I watched it through finger slits but I’m probably going to buy it at some point. The Barbra and Jeff combo can’t be denied. Where was I? Right. You scared the EVERLOVING CRAP out of me in The Vanishing. But, no matter: I washed out my eyes with a couple of rounds of Starman, to remind myself that Jeff Bridges does not only kill, he also resurrects!

I took a film class in college and you can imagine how excited I got when I found out that you were one of the actors/directors/producers that would be interviewed. SO EXCITED. Of course you ended up talking about TBL for like, the entire time, but whatever. Massive rounds of applause and all that every time “The Dude” was uttered. Le sigh. I held out for 13 years, but you know what? FINE.

I guess I’ll have to watch the friggin’ movie already.

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Iron Man 2

Here’s what I thought:

1. Robert Downey Jr’s goatee =INTENSE.

2. MICKEY ROURKE’S FINGERNAILS = GROSS. But seriously, he should probably go to the doctor. That shit is NOT normal.

3. Scarlett Johannson’s ass =Impressive.

4. Sam Rockwell’s tan/painted fingernails = Awesome. Sorry, everything that man does is awesomesauce.

5. Garry Shandling’s face =ABSOLUTELY FRIGHTENING.

Basically, WHO CARES ABOUT THE SPECIAL EFFECTS? MY MIND = ALREADY BLOWN.

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You're not fooling anyone

I’m turning thirty this year, and it’s the strangest thing. The way that people react to it, I mean. I’m including myself when I say people. Apparently I’m old now? I’ve been told that I still look young, even though I am still young. What is it about thirty? You’re finally an adult, right? Me at twenty was nothing compared to me at thirty, that’s for sure. I’m married with two kids, a house, and a grown-up job. At twenty I was still in college, partying every weekend, and single (at least for part of the year). I had about a million crushes and was trying out dating (ew). I was doing a lot of embarrassing things that I would moan about for days/months/years to come (that hasn’t changed). Sometimes I get nostalgic, like yesterday when I was walking around the college campus where I work. I was looking at the dorms and thinking about my college days, how it felt to walk down DP at night and brush up against all the other drunk kids out for a good time. Spending entirely too much time in my crush’s room. Eating at the commons. Oh, it got old fast, but I miss my youth occasionally.

I recently watched two independent films that dealt with finding love after a “certain age”: Weather Girl and TiMER. Neither of the leads  look their ages. I mean, the ages of their characters. When the weather girl is constantly proclaiming, “I’m a thirty-five year old woman!” I would shake my head at the screen. No, sweetie. Add another five or six years onto that and you’re solid. And when Oona (Emma Caufield) says in TiMER, “I just turned thirty,” I laughed. There’s no way in hell we look the same age. NO OONA. Or do we? I look at myself in the mirror and I don’t see any perceivable differences between what I looked like at twenty and now. I look at the women above and think, I can’t look THAT old, right? I am not trying to be mean.

It’s almost inconceivable to me that there are people who were born in 1990. I mean, fuckable people, no-longer-jailbait-people. THAT IS INSANE.

Anyway, they’re both professional women, and they both “find love” with younger guys who appear to do little more than hang out at their crusty apartments and drink beer. But oh, are they super cute. And they practically mount these women as soon as they set eyes on them (O_o). Welcome to Cougar Town, population 4. If you’re a young slacker, and an mature (read: old) businesswoman, you’ll fit right in! I forgot the point I was trying to make, but that’s not really important, is it? What’s important is that I type out everything that pops into my head.

Cougar Town is surprisingly hilarious. I say surprising because a name like that could fool you. WTF were they thinking? But it’s actually not surprising because it’s by the creator of Scrubs which is one of the best shows in the history of ever. Quote me. It’s a little distracting with all the joker face going on (I’m looking at you Courtney Cox, and don’t think I forgot about you Christa Miller), but the jokes are awesomesauce and the cast works well together.

Age.

*wanders off*

*ETA *wanders back in* Just had to say that I was pleasantly surprised by TiMER. On a superficial level, Emma Caufield IS pretty darn adorable with an AMAZING body. And her wardrobe was cuuuuuuute. GIVE. Anyway, I was totally expecting it to go one way and it went another and I love a good twist ending. Some things were predictable but the things that weren’t made up for the things that were. Did that make sense? 😛

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Filed under Baby, Media, Movies

P.S. The Time Traveler's Wife sucked

I watched The Time Traveler’s Wife recently. The book was better. I understand that translating 500 pages to the screen can be quite an undertaking, and that some things needed to be  eliminated entirely (Gomez’s thing for Clare, for one, thank GOD) but I see no reason why this film exists. It is bland, boring and bad.

1. There is little to no chemistry between the two leads. I’m supposed to believe that there is a magnetism between them, a pull. Henry shows up naked in the field behind her childhood home when she was six (ew) and so on until she’s in her late teens. They are MFEO, obvs.  So why is it that when he meets Clare for the first time (for him, of course) I just got this sense of…meh? She’s sorta excited to see him and she asks him on a date and Henry ‘s facial expression reads, “I’m pretty sure you’ll put out so okay.” And then after they sleep together he’s like “You’re my soulmate because I need a good reason to break up with my current girlfriend who is a total psycho.”

By the way, Rachel McAdams needs to STEP IT UP. I usually love her (Married Life was great, and The Notebook sucked but she did a wonderful job, The Family Stone was pretentious but she did a wonderful job, Mean Girls had Lindsay Lohan in it but she did a wonderful job) but the last couple of films that I’ve seen her in she’s completely phoned in her performance. As far as Eric Bana goes…I have no idea what he brought to this particular part except a bored expression. Maybe he was focusing too much on his American accent? Who knows.

2. Why even have Gomez and Charisse in the film? I guess to prove that Clare and Henry aren’t completely narcissistic assholes, but they’ve got like a handful of lines. Ron Livingston deserves better!

3. I get that a movie about time travel is going to skip around a lot. I’m fine with that. But the passage of time is too swift. 5 years go by in a flash. I need some kind of foundation to build on, I need a reason to care about these people, I don’t need to eagerly countdown to Henry’s death just to get some sense of oomph. I guess what bothered me the most was that it tried too hard to make things okay when things should’ve been dire.

Thinking about how books usually surpass their movie versions made me think of P.S.(minus I love you), one of the few films that I know of that surpasses the book. I did see the film first, but I don’t think that matters. I think I’d feel the same way if it had been reversed. The story is about a middle-aged woman who meets a guy half her age who is a helluva lot like her high school boyfriend (who of course broke her heart before dying young). Same name, same face, same passion (art). But here’s the main thing: F. Scott (Francis Scott, but let’s call him Fake Scott)  is a total douche in the book. The author dresses him up like a “gangbanger” complete with a shaved head and sagging pants, but he’s this total overly dramatic ape who says things like “I don’t want to be a victim of love.” and cries silently. Gross.

The movie kept the good parts (You’re gonna fuck it up Louise!”) and tossed the pretentious bullshit (“I don’t want to be a victim of love”) and for that I thank it. I loved Louise’s interaction with Fake Scott, it just felt true to life. He seems totally into her, but appropriately jarred by a new relationship (with an older woman, no less) and thus, acts kind of like a jerk sometimes. The scene where he and Louise are at the restaurant and he’s watching her eat, and they meet his friend and Fake Scott whispers in his friend’s ear and they laugh and you know Louise is like, WTF ARE YOU WHISPERING? I’ll take two please. In the book, I just couldn’t take him seriously. I couldn’t take Louise seriously. The characters seemed to talk in this odd,  otherworldly way which I guess makes sense given the subject matter but I’m good.  I’m good. I’ll just watch the movie repeatedly, thanks!

*walks off*

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Californication is worse than I remembered

I recently saw the movie City Island. I really enjoyed it, even if the loose ends were tied up a bit too neatly and not enough focus was spent on Ezra Miller, and too much was spent on Emily Mortimer (who I like but whose character I thought was kind of weird and random). But despite all that, it was a sweet, funny film. Ezra Miller intrigues me, so I perused his IMDB page and put the second season of Californication on my Netflix queue even though I had decided to quit after the first season because I hated it so much. It is truly a horrid show. I laughed occasionally but every. single. person. is a deplorable moron. I left Los Angeles, mkay? I have no interest in watching Hank Moody try his hardest to dodge the pussy constantly careening toward him. Everywhere he goes women are practically mounting him. 7/11s, car dealerships, hospitals. You know, where the action is.  He wants to be a good guy, but what can he do? Sleep with a 16 year old that just happens to be the daughter of his ex’s boyfriend? Accidentally give a girl head (it was dark, and he was confused)? And I might be Captain Obvious for saying this but: Fox Mulder > Hank Moody times 1000. So I skipped around, and watched a few Ezra scenes and my opinion hasn’t changed. HORRID. I read the wiki season recap and my suspicions were confirmed. There is no need for me to continue. It is still the worst.

There’s this scene where Hank’s daughter, Becca, is explaining her religion (every kid rebels at some point, but this kid? She worships Satan. ZOMG what a badass!) to a self-help guru and basically rips him a new asshole in the process. Like: “Listen to these facts about my religion, now listen to these facts about your book, THAT’S RIGHT I’VE READ IT OOOH DIDN’T KNOW KIDS COULD READ, DIDJA? Anywho, you’re a dummy and I’m a genius.” Something like that, I might be paraphrasing. Anyway, everyone at the table laughs and almost all of them give her a slow clap (after saying the words “that deserves a slow clap.”). Really?! It totally reminded me of Shane Botwin’s scenes on Weeds (also a show I cannot stand. First season was good though.) where he shows a grownup a thing or two about life, usually in front of his entire class. It totally irritated me. Enough with the enlightened youth who read a book and calls it life lessons! Completely laughable. AND I’ve been seeing a startling amount of asshole teenagers badmouthing (okay, asshole) adults/parents on television and maybe it’s the fact that I’m officially an adult now, and maybe it’s a cultural thing, but what the fuck? Not cool. Is it supposed to be “real life” or something? Get all these assholes off my TV!

Also something that there is too much of: the black baby gag. Nip/Tuck, Desperate Housewives, Californication. *waves to Me, Myself and Irene* Hey there. I’m sure there are more. Lady gets pregnant, drama ensues, then Lady (oh, did I mention she wasn’t black?) pops out a black baby and everyone’s jaw drops. Maury trots out and points to McWhitey and tells him he is not the father. It could be the ultimate cuckold, or the best moment of your life (Yes! No way I’m going to raise your black baby!) but whatever slant you give it, it’s just TIRED.

And I’m spent.

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Filed under Movies, Truly?, TV