Category Archives: Baby

My body is a Wonderland


Meet November and August! They were born in October.

Here is their birth story.

Two and a half weeks ago I fell down the rabbit hole the stairs. I don’t know how it happened. I was feeling out of sorts the whole day and I went to bed early, my head all muddled. Andy thought it was odd. I just thought that I was tired and pregnant. I got up to make the long trek to the bathroom a while later and on the second to last step downstairs, I twisted my ankle and fell, landing on my side. I think I screamed, and Andy definitely yelled as he ran down the stairs after me. When he asked me if I was okay all I could think was, “How did I get here?” He helped me up to a sitting position and I felt a warm gush. I sat there in a pool of my own tears, hoping it wasn’t blood. My waters had never broken before.

All I could say was: “Oh my god.” and “I’m not ready!” and “I hope the babies are okay!”

Andy kept reassuring me that they were, and that he was more concerned about my ankle than any thing else. I couldn’t care less about my ankle (which was fine), I was about to give birth to TWO BABIES OMG. I was so full of adrenaline that I just sat there, teeth chattering, while I tried to figure out if I wanted to stand up. And then, after Andy helped me up, I stood there, teeth chattering, wondering if I should maybe start moving. It was weird, going into labor at night. I’d always been woken up early in the morning. “Should we call your doctor?” Andy asked. “What should we do?” It was a lot to decide. Going to the hospital seemed like the next logical step. Andy went to go wake up the boys, we’d put them to bed an hour or so before. He also called our friends Andy and Meg; Meg was to meet us at the hospital.

She walked me in as Andy went to find parking. “Did you cut your hair?” I asked her as the people at the front desk helped me into a wheelchair. They laughed because priorities and wheeled me to a tiny room because triage. Some faceless person asked me if I was sure if my water had *actually* broken. The puddle I left in the wheelchair answered their question.

40 minutes after we arrived at the hospital, I was pushing out a baby. But before that happened my kids and husband showed up to the tiny room and I moaned awhile. My kids asked, now fully awake: “Why is she making noises like that?” Meg talked to them about their moaning mama and what it all meant while I continued moaning.

“The last time she got like this, it didn’t take long,” Andy said as he pushed my back with all of his strength. No one took him seriously. THEY WOULD SOON LEARN. The plan was a caesarian, but they took too fucking long. Right before they wheeled my bed out of the room I said, “I feel like I have to poop.” A resounding UH OH. They wheeled me faster while I yelled, “I’m pushing!” Some faceless individuals threw some stuff at Andy to put on while we raced down a hallway. I couldn’t stop pushing. “Don’t push!” They told me. Not pushing was not an option. I couldn’t NOT push. I was pushing.

“Help!” I cried. “I’m pushing!”

“Don’t push!”

I was pushing. 40 minutes after we arrived at the hospital, I was pushing out a baby. I was shocked when Nova crowned, because I didn’t actually expect to give birth so quickly.

“Head!” I yelled. “HEAD!”

A couple of faceless chatting nurses rushed over to my spread legs and grabbed the baby shooting out from between them. Told ya, I thought smugly. And then maybe, c-section my ass. I barely got to whisper hello to Nova before they took him away (I didn’t see him again for a day and a half. It makes me want to cry thinking about it).

“I guess we’re doing this vaginally,” said my doctor who was not my doctor. I almost did a fist pump. She and a faceless person pushed down on my stomach for a bit to try to turn Gus, but it didn’t take. He was still coming out feet first, and I was feeling like I just HAD to push again. Since he was so much bigger than Nova they were afraid he’d get stuck, so emergency c-section it was. She told me that I would have to be put under and that Andy would have to leave the room. Both of our faces fell.  But I kept pushing and yelling, “Help!” until I blacked out.

When I woke up what felt like 2 seconds later, Andy was there to welcome me.  “Are they gonna do it?” I asked in a scratchy voice. Andy said, “They already did it.” and I said, “Oh right, that makes sense.”

Meg had taken the boys to her house to sleep and so it was me and Andy and Gus. Gus had been born 20 minutes after Nova, but after midnight so they had different birthdays (and maybe even different signs)! “That’s so cool!” one of the faceless nurses was saying. I couldn’t help but laugh but I sobered up quickly, when I was told that Andy and I couldn’t visit Nova in the NICU (low birth weight) since we both had nasty colds that wouldn’t quit. It was horrible to be separated from him. One of the nurses from the NICU was a sweetheart and brought Andy and I pictures of him so that we could see how he was doing.

With my last two deliveries I was able to leave the hospital rather promptly, and that wasn’t going to happen this time around. I hated being in the hospital, hated being separated from my kids and husband, hated eating hospital food, hated having my blood pressure taken every five seconds (it was worryingly high), but luckily I didn’t have to worry too much about my c-section incision. I was moving around pretty well after a couple of days to everyone’s surprise, including my own.  Some of the nurses winced sympathetically for me when they heard that I’d had both a vaginal birth and a caesarian, but I’m glad my original birth plan wasn’t a total wash. I got to deliver one of them naturally, and that makes me happy.

When Nova was finally transferred to my room I was overjoyed.

IMG_2430One of the nurses asked me, “How can you tell them apart?” And I just stared at her. They look like brothers, but they don’t look identical to me. Which is kind of a relief because now I don’t have to worry about mixing them up.

You know what? Let’s just fast forward to us all being home. Here we are, courtesy of my MIL who, along with Andy’s stepdad, just left after a week here:


The twins are here. THEY’RE FINALLY HERE. I’m so happy to be home and so grateful to all of our wonderful friends and family who have watched our kids and made us delicious food. And speaking of food…I’m off to eat some more while the babes are still sleeping.














Filed under Baby, Family, KIDS., Life, Love, Twins

You're not fooling anyone

I’m turning thirty this year, and it’s the strangest thing. The way that people react to it, I mean. I’m including myself when I say people. Apparently I’m old now? I’ve been told that I still look young, even though I am still young. What is it about thirty? You’re finally an adult, right? Me at twenty was nothing compared to me at thirty, that’s for sure. I’m married with two kids, a house, and a grown-up job. At twenty I was still in college, partying every weekend, and single (at least for part of the year). I had about a million crushes and was trying out dating (ew). I was doing a lot of embarrassing things that I would moan about for days/months/years to come (that hasn’t changed). Sometimes I get nostalgic, like yesterday when I was walking around the college campus where I work. I was looking at the dorms and thinking about my college days, how it felt to walk down DP at night and brush up against all the other drunk kids out for a good time. Spending entirely too much time in my crush’s room. Eating at the commons. Oh, it got old fast, but I miss my youth occasionally.

I recently watched two independent films that dealt with finding love after a “certain age”: Weather Girl and TiMER. Neither of the leads  look their ages. I mean, the ages of their characters. When the weather girl is constantly proclaiming, “I’m a thirty-five year old woman!” I would shake my head at the screen. No, sweetie. Add another five or six years onto that and you’re solid. And when Oona (Emma Caufield) says in TiMER, “I just turned thirty,” I laughed. There’s no way in hell we look the same age. NO OONA. Or do we? I look at myself in the mirror and I don’t see any perceivable differences between what I looked like at twenty and now. I look at the women above and think, I can’t look THAT old, right? I am not trying to be mean.

It’s almost inconceivable to me that there are people who were born in 1990. I mean, fuckable people, no-longer-jailbait-people. THAT IS INSANE.

Anyway, they’re both professional women, and they both “find love” with younger guys who appear to do little more than hang out at their crusty apartments and drink beer. But oh, are they super cute. And they practically mount these women as soon as they set eyes on them (O_o). Welcome to Cougar Town, population 4. If you’re a young slacker, and an mature (read: old) businesswoman, you’ll fit right in! I forgot the point I was trying to make, but that’s not really important, is it? What’s important is that I type out everything that pops into my head.

Cougar Town is surprisingly hilarious. I say surprising because a name like that could fool you. WTF were they thinking? But it’s actually not surprising because it’s by the creator of Scrubs which is one of the best shows in the history of ever. Quote me. It’s a little distracting with all the joker face going on (I’m looking at you Courtney Cox, and don’t think I forgot about you Christa Miller), but the jokes are awesomesauce and the cast works well together.


*wanders off*

*ETA *wanders back in* Just had to say that I was pleasantly surprised by TiMER. On a superficial level, Emma Caufield IS pretty darn adorable with an AMAZING body. And her wardrobe was cuuuuuuute. GIVE. Anyway, I was totally expecting it to go one way and it went another and I love a good twist ending. Some things were predictable but the things that weren’t made up for the things that were. Did that make sense? 😛


Filed under Baby, Media, Movies

Get through it

I really thought that there would be some kind of sign that would alert me to the impending birth of my son: bloody show, breaking of the waters, etc. Something. But in the end, it all came out of nowhere. I really didn’t expect to wake up in the middle of the night and feel such strong contractions. I remember sleeping through some of them, the hideous back pain becoming part of my wacky dreams. By the time I woke up, they were too strong to ignore. I remember getting on my hands and knees instinctively in the bed and rocking back and forth, moaning. Andy woke up and asked me if it was time. I didn’t want to jump the gun so I told him maybe, maybe not. I’m sure he thought I was crazy when I told him to go back to sleep. I went downstairs to use the bathroom and Andy came down soon after, probably because he could hear me moaning through the vents. At his suggestion I called the midwife on call and told her that my contractions were strong, etc. I had just been in the clinic 3 days before and my cervix had been hard to find/closed so both of us agreed that I would wait a while longer just in case I was only in the beginning stages. After hanging up, I got in the tub to take a nice relaxing bath… except not.  The shower head relieved a lot of the back pain that I had, but I couldn’t get comfortable. Finally, we decided to call back Beth (the midwife) and let her know that we were on our way to the hospital because wow! my contractions were a mite painful. Poor Z was woken up in the middle of the night and strapped in his car seat in his pajamas: we hoped he would fall back asleep but the morning proved to be too exciting for that. The drive went okay despite the fact that I couldn’t roll over and have Andy put pressure on my back; I had to compensate with turning up the seat warmer and grabbing Andy’s hand as hard as I could.

When we finally got there, things went pretty fast. Beth got there soon after and checked my cervix-I was stunned that I was already 7 centimeters dilated!!! I remember that after she checked I got back on my hands and knees to suffer through a contraction and although I was pretty far gone I had the good grace to apologize for my huge naked ass sticking up in everyone’s faces. I eventually ended up completely naked in a half empty tub (it was taking too long to fill it, they assumed that they had time that they didn’t), pretty much writhing around like a maniac. Before I got in, I had a moment where I thought I was going to die: the lower half of my body felt like it was going to split in half and when I looked down between my legs and saw blood dripping onto the floor, I freaked.

“I can’t do this! Someone help me please! Please help me!” I literally shrieked at the top of my lungs. The nurse, Kate, grabbed my arms and looked into my eyes, instructing me to breathe. “You can do this.” she chanted. I really thought she was nuts at that point. I just said that I couldn’t do it, did I have to spell it out? Funny thing: All of the pain aside, Andy and I shared a WTF? moment witnessing Kate and Beth’s ummm… flexing? Beth: “Kate, could you do the blah blah medical thing?” Kate: “I don’t have time to do that right now, I’m slammed. I’ll blah blah medical thing and then do whatever I want.”  Beth: Right. Make it so.

Ten minutes later…

Beth: “Katie, can you-” Kate (laughing, but in that “Fuck you…” way): “Kate. Kate.” Beth: “Sorry! Okay, listen..I really need…” Kate: “Hmmph.” Beth: *eyebrow raised* probably thinking, “Listen, bitch…”

I mean, I’m going through some of the worst pain of my life, and all I can think is, Must laugh about this later. And you know what? I did. Talk about unprofessional!

After I got into the tub I flailed around aimlessly, trying to find a comfortable spot. On my hands and knees didn’t seem to do it for me anymore. Another aside – Zain was so good during all of this! Andy had managed up until this point to hold him and relieve the pressure in my back (AMAZING) simultaneously, and then he sat him in his stroller to watch from there. I think my behavior at that point riveted him so much that he was able to sit on his own and watch in wide eyed horror. Anyway, it was somewhere around this point that I felt this overwhelming need to push. I grabbed onto the handles on the tub and did what came naturally. It was the weirdest sensation, almost like I like I was trying to blow up a balloon through my anus (sorry, tmi). And there was a lot of burning. I didn’t push long: Andy and Beth mentioned that they could see Mad’s head after a couple of pushes and soon after I was delivering a 7 lb, 4 ounce baby. It was the best feeling, that pop and release…such relief! After they placed him in my arms I felt so happy and strong. I also felt a little embarrassed.

“I wonder if anyone heard me…” I said to Andy. He told me not to worry about it and that he thought my wailing sounded like a whale song, very primal and beautiful. He also told me how proud of me he was. 🙂

So here it is, a week later and I’m still getting used to having a newborn again – it helps having my sister Bethany in town so that I don’t felt so overwhelmed when Andy’s at work-going to miss her when she’s gone! :(. He’s so tiny! Z is a giant by comparison. I can’t believe I have kids now. Kids. Cuckoo.




Filed under Baby, Mad Miles

Little Miss Preggers


I had a dream last night that I just reached up inside of my uterus and pulled little Madrox out. *sigh* It was a good dream.

I’m not even technically late yet, but I’m anxious. This is the most pregnant I have ever been people! I just want my body back. I want to meet little Mad and smell his sweet baby smell. I want to wear cute clothes again. I want to be able to hug Andy close. I’m so not good at delayed gratification. You should call me Veruca Salt because I WANT IT NOW!


I really wish I could justify paying almost 50 bucks for this:



The brand is Kids Ink, and pretty much everything in the entire catalog is around that price unless it’s on sale. It’s also all crazy cute stuff. WANT.

Yeah, hi.

Yeah, hi.

Who doesn’t love a ninja baby????

Hey, can someone custom make this outfit for Mad?

This is me being a geek.

This is me being a geek.



Filed under Baby, Good times, Preggerville

Petunia Pickle Bottom and more



I want this diaper bag! Is it worth a hundred and fifty bucks, though? That’s the eternal question.

I just bought these tights:

Not me

Not me

and they feel delicious. 100% cotton so I don’t have to scratch my legs through the fabric! Hooray. I also bought these:

Again, not me

Again, not me

which look lovely but feel a little weird in the rear even though they promise that “Double-seamed rear allows for lots of stretch”.  Lying liars! Either I have an ass as big as Texas, or…wait.  *looks around*

And I saw these shoes on some random fashion blog, wanted them intensely, and found them for only $29 bucks (Amazon)!


 I can’t wait to wear them.

I can’t stop thinking about all the things I want: for the baby, for myself, for the house. I can’t wait until everything is in the right place, just the way I Andy and I want it.


Filed under Baby, Shopping

Going Mad

Two of my coworkers/friends, Kerrie and Jen, threw me a baby sprinkle this last Friday. They reserved a conference room after hours and set up a lovely arrangement of food and drink and even a diapercake! The diapercake was delicious.



We played games, I opened gifts, and Z and Andy made an appearance towards the end. It was a lot of fun. 🙂

Everyone put in a bid for Madrox’s (yes, that’s his name! :P) birthdate, most of them within this month. I have a feeling I’ll give birth in February, but who knows? I might be late this time (*screams*). I’m really ready to meet Mad and to get my old body back. Lugging around this extra 35-40 pounds is really wearing on me. And I’m tired all of the time because I can’t get any sleep at night: I have to pee every 2 seconds, which means I get up several times a night to carefully walk down the stairs to the bathroom. It’s a wonder I haven’t broken my neck.

Hello stranger

Hello stranger

These last weeks are going to be an eternity!

I’m trying to put them to good use by looking for suitable childcare for the boys and organizing the house a bit. I never had this nesting instinct kick in with Zain, but I’m making up for it now! 🙂 The annoying thing is that I can’t buy everything that I want to for the house, so I’ll just have to be patient, which is…impossible right now. I am ANXIOUS. o_O


Filed under Baby, Preggerville, Rant, Shit just got real

Hamsters is nice

Chiroptera booties

Oh Anthropologie. Why must you tempt me so? Too bad they’re three hundred bucks and some change.

frilljeffreycampbell madjeffreycampbelljpg

And here are some shoes of the cheaper but still insanely cute variety: Frill and Mad by Jeffrey Campbell. Soon. SOON.

It’s colder than it looks outside. Although it snowed this weekend, the sun is shining and I keep thinking that it won’t be so bad when I open the door but then a cold breeze of death hits my face and I feel like shouting, “FRICK!” really loudly. So. Staying inside at all times sounds about right. Except for the whole work thing.

This weekend I was curled up on the couch a good 99.9% of the time. When I wasn’t watching Z (i.e. letting him crawl all over me) I was watching episodes of Firefly. The fact that there’s only 14 episodes still burns me up inside. Soooo good. Current favorites: Jaynestown, Out of Gas, Objects in Space, and Shindig. Although Wash is  “space Xander” he’s 10 times more hilarious. His reaction in Jaynestown when the mudders start singing “The Hero of Cantan”? “Wacky fun…”??? Kills. me. I still want to throttle Joss Whedon every time I watch the show or the movie, the jerk. God, it would be a dream of mine to be able to go to a Firefly/Serenity convention. *looks at Andy*

Here are some shots of me with child:

26 wks

26 wks

28 wks

28 wks

29 weeks tomorrow! Not even to the 30 week mark and I’m already insanely uncomfortable!

A week left of work and then a week and a half of glorious vacation! Unfortunately Andy will still be working so I won’t get to enjoy it that much. Next year I hope to spend that time in California with our families instead.


Filed under Baby, Good times, Life, Pictures, shoes, TV, Z the Mighty

Bring on the pain.

This past weekend we headed off to the lovely Eugene to visit our friends Meg and Andy, who we don’t see nearly enough. We finally got to check out their new house, which is adorable and cozy and has a great leather couch that Zain can drool on to his heart’s content without causing any actual damage. Meg made us incredibly delicious meals (I really need to learn how to cook like a grownup) and we discussed everything from politics to genetal herpes. Just kidding about the last part. But I love our conversations, Meg always manages to crack me up.  I miss those crazy kids already.

While we were there Meg and I got to talking about what this next birth will be like (more like what I HOPE it will be like). I want to have a natural birth this time and it scares the shit out of me. But, I feel it needs to be done. I don’t feel right about drugging my newborn child before he enters the world. I remember getting the epidural with Z and feeling NO PAIN (Oh God it was amazing) but I freaked out soon after because his heartbeat went waaay down and all of a sudden we were discussing the possibility of an emergency c-section. And after all that, it wore off on one side. Not to mention the fact that I started running a really high fever (either due to my OB breaking my water for me or the epidural…I really have no clue) and both Z and I ended up needing antibiotics. So while it scares me to death to think of all that pain, it scares me more to think of something happening to Fetus. Meg suggested that I watch “The Business of Being Born” to get more info about natural births, home births, midwives, etc. So I did…and I ended up crying about 5 times. Give or take.

I have, as of today, switched to a midwife. It all feels so strange, like I broke up with my OB. Oh Lord, I broke up with my pregnant doctor. Am I silly to think that she’ll care? That maybe she’ll sink down into a chair and put her head in her hands whispering, “I never saw it coming…”? Maybe just a bit. Anyway, I had my consultation today and my next appointment isn’t for 3 more weeks. I feel like I’m headed in the right direction. And! The midwifery clinic is a part of a hospital, so that is a sort of “security” for me, instead of jumping straight into a home birth.



Filed under Baby, Life

Whoa! Boy!

Zain is going to have a little brother come March (didn’t you LOVE my cheesy title?)! Andy and I are very excited. I had been having daydreams about having a little girl lately, though…you know, the dresses, the tights, the little mary janes. This is strange because I never felt like I wanted to have a little girl and then all of a sudden BOOM. Couldn’t stop thinking about it. Andy, of course, can’t wait for one (yes, we are going to try again…several years from now). I even started looking up girl names and found the perfect one. We’ll use it some other time. And although we’ll have to wait a little longer for frilly things, I’m very happy. I can’t wait to see this kid. I mean, Andy and I already know we make good baby! 😛 So this one will be amazing, no doubt. And I’m glad Z will get a playmate so close to his age, plus we’ll save some money on clothes and shoes. 🙂 We’re still going over names (it’s Andy’s turn to come up with a first name…he takes FOREVER), but there are a few that keep coming back up.

The odd thing is: all of my sisters have boys, and all of my brothers have girls (except for one whose second child was a boy). So it seems to be a trend here. I may end up the lone female in this household!



Filed under Baby, Family, Good times, Life, Shit just got real

Aloha and stuff

Andy already (!) posted a blog, so here I go.

We. are. in. Maui. There are times though, that we could fool ourselves into believing that we’re back in California, like maybe that building over there reminds us of one in Santa Barbara, or hey…doesn’t this area remind you of Paso? BUT NO. Every radio station (and there are a LOT) plays a helluva lot of Hawaiian music. And Reggae. So we’ve got to be in Maui. America….FUCK YEAH! (Yeah…don’t ask)

Anyway, we just got back from taking a dip in the pool here. I got a couple of tans (the design on the suit was actually TATTOOED on my back) and Andy avoided getting a sunburn. Z splashed and splashed to his heart’s content. There were some annoying lushes there, so we didn’t stay as long as I would’ve liked. Tonight we’ll head out to the ocean. Earlier we drove to LaHaina to check out Front Street (which you can’t get to from jump street, might I add) and shopped a bit. Did I mention that things (i.e. EVERYTHING) are really overpriced here? Yeah. Especially food. ETA: Actually…looking at the receipts now, we didn’t pay much more for clothes/swimwear then we would’ve anywhere else. They were on sale though.

Sidenote: Z is staring at himself in the mirror right now, gurgling and doing this really creepy weezy laugh that he just perfected. He is so precious I could crush him.

So it’s hot and lovely here. It’s definitely weird having a toddler with you on vacation, I never appreciated the freedom that I had before to just get up and do whatever without a thought to anyone else. And-I’m pregnant, so that adds a layer of exhaustion and crankyness. Poor Andy. He’s got two babies on his hands. I’ll let him go snorkeling first. 😛



Filed under Baby, Life