Me, a name I call myself

I’ll be posting my last two outfits later today, but first: I was tagged by Rose to tell you all 7 things about myself and to pass on the love to 7 other bloggers! Awesomesauce. In the immortal words of Sam Jackson, hold on to your butts!

1.I once sat on a chinchilla. Accidentally!  His name was Nasrudin, he was the largest and smartest of our two (the other was appropriately named Zero). I used to close off our hallway and let them bounce back and forth to their hearts content. Nasrudin always enjoyed running up and down the length of my arms.  I had gotten up to go to the bathroom, came back and saw them down at the far end of the hallway so I went to sit down just as he was running towards me and CRUNCH. I almost passed out. I started screaming and Andy – who was talking on the phone to his friend at the time- threw down the phone and came to see what the problem was. Poor Nasrudin was bleeding from the nose and breathing shallowly when Andy scooped him up in his hands. I was screaming. “Oh my God! Is he dying?!” over and over again . Andy nodded solemnly. “I think so sweetie.” I remember hanging up on Tarek sobbing something about a dying chinchilla and he hung up laughing, which pissed me off at the time but I was too distraught to get into it. I couldn’t stop crying and then suddenly, Nasrudin shook his head and bounced up, looking around. We took him to the vet the next day. After everyone (the vet and pet owners) had had a good laugh – I could hear the people in the waiting room telling each new person that entered the clinic “There’s a girl in there who sat on her chinchilla!”, Nasrudin was inspected and declared good to go. When we moved from LA we ended up giving our chinchillas to a PetSmart cashier who had set up tunnels around his apartment that they could run through to their hearts content.

2. I am slightly afraid of the dark. I say slightly because I can now sleep with the light off. I usually go to sleep before Andy, so I’d fall asleep with the lights on and he’d turn them off when he came to bed. It took me a loooong time to get to that place where I could fall asleep in the dark, to force myself not to panic until my eyes adjusted and I realized that the blankets on the bed weren’t a large muscular man waiting to choke the life out of me. When I was younger I used to watch Unsolved Mysteries (could that theme song get any CREEPIER?!), scaring myself stupid, and sit awake all night staring into my shadowy closet. Good times.

3. I didn’t get my license until I was 24. Why? Well, at first I was afraid, I was petrified. Ooooof. Seriously, though, I was scared. And then I was lazy. Plus I lived in a town (Isla Vista/Santa Barbara) where it was absurdly easy to get around by walking, bumming rides off of friends, or taking the bus. And then Andy and I moved to LA and he drove me around and I continued taking the bus and started driving illegally. LA is probably not the best place to drive illegally, but it’s also not the best place to drive. Ever. I know you’ve probably heard a lot of stuff about the traffic and the smog and I’m basically not telling you anything new but please humor me: HOLY MOSES. Don’t ever live there. My dad likes to tease me about the fact that I moved to Oregon to get my license because CA refused to grant me one. So I failed the driver’s test there, BIG DEAL. Anyway, I was told the other day that I don’t drive like an Oregonian (read: slowest moving thing you’ve ever seen) even though this is where I honed my drivin’ skillzzzz. *rubs chin* Interesting.

4. Andy and I lived next door to a paranoid schizophrenic the year we got married. Ooodles of fun! Ooodles. Let’s call her Trixie Sledge, shall we? Trixie thought we were trying to kill her. She thought that we would sneak large groups of Mexican men with baseball bats (don’t look at me)  into our apartment complex to do the deed. She thought we would call her place of employment and tell her boss that she had AIDS (seriously, don’t look at me). She would yell out her window in the middle of the night, “NO, I am not a lesbian and I will thank you not to listen to the people in apartment 5B! They have been harassing me since they moved in!” You know how it goes. Oh you don’t, do you? Right. That’s just me. Anyway, it was incredibly stressful and we had to go to court (she tried to get a restraining order against us) and I almost fainted during my questioning and of course the judge threw it out because she was claiming that we were yelling at her through the walls when we were in Puerta Vallarta. On our honeymoon. Whoops. And then she followed us in her car one day and tried to beat us up with her car jack. It turns out you cannot talk rationally to a paranoid schizophrenic. You basically just have to move, far far away. And so we did.

5. I’m double jointed in my shoulders. It’s equal parts awesome and gross. I can clasp my hands together, raise my hands over my head *pop* aaaand calmly lower my arms behind me and then *pop* bring them back over my head while everyone around me  tries not to scream. I’m pretty sure this skill will come in handy someday, especially if I’m ever put in a straitjacket.

6. I love to sing in the car. LOUDLY. And I love when the boys sing along with me. Hearing their little voices in the background brings tears to my eyes. Some of their favorites are Help, I’m Alive (which Zain calls “I tremble” ) – Metric, The Racing Rats – Editors, Frank Sinatra – Cake, Story of My Life – Social Distortion, and Tarzan Boy – Baltimora. I always try to play songs with a lot of repetition so that they can pick it up faster. That, and songs with the words car or bus in the title: No Cars Go by Arcade Fire or Kiss Me On The Bus by The Replacements. The latter was a bit of an issue because once we got past that fun part: “On the bus! That’s where we’re riding!” suddenly my kid was singing about tongues and transfers. Too soon.

7. My mind has an endless capacity for useless information. It’s like a steel trap when it comes to the stuff that doesn’t matter, it’s basically imdb.com. And I love to quote things. Not so much stuff like, “Nobody puts baby in the corner.” or “You had me at hello.” but stuff like “Finland knows what YOU want!” (Earth Girls are Easy) or “I can look upon her as well as you!” (Martin and Lewis comedy special). Or: “Balloons weren’t invented back in cowboy times!” (Newsradio). Usually this elicits a O_O look  from people that aren’t directly related to me, and thus privy to the arsenal of random films/shows that I grew up watching. When my family gets around each other we usually break into songs from our favorite musicals (7 brides for seven brothers, Kiss Me Kate, Yentl) or start acting out scenes from Much Ado About Nothing (which isn’t really so much random as it’s Shakespeare). Anyway, I love that I can just start saying stuff like “In the words of Getrude STEIN, girl, there is no there there.” and someone will pick up with, “Oh, and you think there’s over there? Listen, I don’t care what your friend Gertrude says, there’s more over there with Anthony than there’s ever going to be IN THERE. So there.” (Corrina, Corrina) I also love that my sons are following in my footsteps, confusing their peers with such nuggets as  “Look Everybody! Here comes the choo-choo!” (Zach Galifianakis). Except Zain says “Choo choo bus”, whatever that means.

I’m tagging My Fashion Epiphany, stylepint, olive and bleu, La Fille D’or, jesse.anne.o, personality of meh and Dimestore Diamond.

ETA: My sister Bethany wrote a hilarious response to this blog here.

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10 Comments

Filed under Fun and Games, Me

10 responses to “Me, a name I call myself

  1. I just read every word with rapt attention like I haven’t known you for 28 years. O_O What should we even *do* with that?! Is it awesome or concerning?! There wasn’t a single thing on that I didn’t already know and yet glued to my screen. Does it just makes me a narcissist?

    I think I shall blog respond. AWAY!

    • Jen

      It’s awecerning! How can you be a narcissist if you love reading about ME? Also, I just found another spelling error and must stop myself from editing this post for the third time. The End.

    • I felt exactly the same way! I relived the horrors of Nasrudin’s unfortunate accident and our joyous encounters with Ms. Sledge almost as if I hadn’t actually lived through them. It helps that I have a horrible memory.

      • Jen

        *nods* Indeed. This is my skill, to tell the same tired stories over and over again and make people wonder what comes next.
        *thinks* Actually, that would be a pretty good skill.

  2. WOW, those are some powerful stories! I can totally understand the chinchilla thing as I almost did the same thing at my friend’s place. Luckily, they move faster than I can sit down. As for the paranoid schizo, I wouldn’t have stayed in the place for very long to deal with that…so props! It’s always interesting to learn more about others and I enjoyed reading your seven things. =)

    • Jen

      Oh, I have pleeenty more to share. 😛 Sometimes I wonder what it is about me that attracts weird/crazy/evil people, I’ve known far too many in my life.
      I’m glad you narrowly avoided sitting on a chinchilla, I’ll hear that crunch sound in my head for the rest of my life! *shudder*

  3. Dang, thanks for tagging me girl! I’ll have to brainstorm a few things and get cracking on this.

    Love your stories though, those are sooo awesome!

  4. Thanks for tagging me….SN: I sing in the car loudly too. And, I don’t care who is in the car with me. No one is spared…lol.

  5. Pingback: Part of My World | Stylepint

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