Book Review: He Came With The Couch!

He Came With The Couch is the story of a young girl named Sophie, whose father is a traveling salesman, and whose mother, out of necessity, is a whore. Whoops, wrong story. But I can say with complete certainty that Mama is clinically depressed.

Translation: Mommy needs her morning Prozac.

Yikes. Maybe that’s why Sophie is rocking the Einstein look? Mommy dearest can’t be bothered with her own hair, why bother with Sophie’s?

So, talk about wacky: their furniture always ends up either ripped to shreds courtesy of their mongrel pet, on fire, or in the front yard (by way of the living room window). You know how it is.  This makes complete and total sense when we find out that they purchase all of their furniture at (magical?) rummage sales. Why? Because they like the added bonuses that are included in the deals, like CREEPY BLUE MUTE MUPPETS.

Where we're going we don't need carseats.

They totes intend on sending him packing, but when they can’t physically remove Blue Man from the couch (using a plunger they borrowed from their JOLLY GREEN GIANT neighbors: ), they decide that it’s completely okay if he murders them in their sleep stays there. Because what else are you going to do? Buy a new, unused couch free of parasites? Nah.

Or maybe they should use that money to take a road trip with Blue Man? Show him the wide world that he’s missing? That’s more like it! They take him to the Grand Canyon. They take him to the beach. They take him to a place inside that’s so hard to reach. I mean, they take him to Washington D.C. Basically they go from one side of the country to the other in order to keep from buying a new couch.  BRILLIANT.

But there’s more to BM than meets the eye. He’s more of a blue HULK. He saves Sophie by cushioning  her fall from an impossibly high tree branch  by….throwing the couch outside the window just as she was about to hit the ground? PHYSICS FTW.

Well, thank god for BM, huh? We all need a good BM. I mean, since Willy Loman and Mrs. I-can’t-be-bothered-to-change-out-of-my-robe-half-of-the-time are too distracted to actually keep their kid out of harm’s way why not let BM take over? Sure, it was an alarming idea at first (well, he’s sitting on our couch, obvs he’s a part of the family now!) but BM turned out to be the best thing that ever happened to little Sophie. And since the book ends with the family adopting an even odder looking muppet (they needed a new chair, see) into the family, Sophie should be singing “Sunny days…” for all of her days to come. Weeee!

2.5 Stars.

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7 Comments

Filed under Book review

7 responses to “Book Review: He Came With The Couch!

  1. I find this review accurate and reflective of the source material.

  2. I find this material improper and its use unacceptable and also Oregon said I can have your babies.

  3. Jen

    I find these comments on my page.
    Oh, and Bethany? Montreal said that you need to keep Oregon’s name out of your mouth. >.> I don’t…know why.

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