Vampires kind of suck

New Moon.

So many things bother me about the trailer for New Moon. KRISTEN STEWART being the main thing. Blinkety blink blink. BLINK. Not feeling the love. And why is her mouth always open? Didn’t anyone ever tell her that a closed mouth catches no flies? No? What I don’t get is that her mouth is closed like a steel trap while “passionately” kissing Edward/Robert (this is also true in Twilight)?! I’m so confused. Ya’ll are supposed to be really into each other right? Like star crossed lovers? You open your mouth when he kisses you young lady!

So I’ve watched Twilight, and while I think the movie is pretty overwhelmingly bad I can’t help but love Robert Pattinson. I feel bad for him, in a way, having to do so many things that are so completely laughable with a straight face-that must be hard! But then he’s probably laughing all the way to the bank, so there’s that.

And then there’s True Blood (Andy and I finished the first season a couple of weeks ago). Don’t get me wrong: the show is right entertaining.  But REALLY?? Sookie Stackhouse can’t beat the men off of her fast enough?  Anna PaquinUm, no. Anna Paquin is cute, okay?  But she makes me laugh with her unnecessary intense facial expressions (complete with labored breathing, deep swallows, and if we’re really lucky: a curled lip!) and stilted walk. Not sexy. I especially love how Sookie’s BBFF Tara (Rutina Wesley) has to desperately grab at her sloppy seconds to even get some(!).

My main issue with Paquin is that she can’t really act to save her life (I don’t care that she won an Oscar… when she was ELEVEN).  I mostly kept watching because of Lafayette and Tara, who kept me laughing even when the storyline made me want to scream (Arlene and Terry aren’t so bad either). Andy has already said all of the following before – but there was little to no continuity. Sookie reads minds! Except for now, when it would really come in handy. Right!  That makes total sense. And vampire blood affects everyone differently: Jason drinks a vial and has to have blood drained from his penis, while Sookie drinks that much or more and is just peachy. Kay. I do love that theme song though… I wanna do bad things to you. Hopefully the second season is better.



Filed under Rant, TV

7 responses to “Vampires kind of suck

  1. She totally knows what’s up in that picture… I think I’ve seen her make that face way too many times.

    Maybe if 11 year old Paquin were playing this part it would be more entertaining – definitely more controversial!

  2. First of all, related post: Cry Little Sister. You KNOW IT. Haven’t read it but we all get the gist, no? Also, I think Rob has a straight cro-magnon profile. He looks nice from the front and at a certain angle. Great. So do a lot of people. Is he still thousands of evolutionary years beyond little miss lip-chap? Bien sur, mon frere. Indubitably.

    • Jen

      Cry Little Sister is my post! 😛 And you’re right about the caveman thing! Never noticed that. I still find him appealing though.

  3. meg

    Caveman – agreed.

    Can I for one minute mention Sookie’s shoes? Those keds are the most unsexy thing I’ve seen on a “Sex-love interest” character in a hella long time. The looks of lust between her and Bill give me the major heebees, and I agree, the “supporting cast” is way more appealing to me than it’s “stars”

    I’ll watch next season, but only as long as Lafayette is alive.

  4. meg

    p.s. don’t you kind of mean “Vampire’s Love Interests kind of suck” ?

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