But dammit! It’s just not going to happen. Sorry Andy.
Zack and Miri make a Porno is a horrible movie. It wasn’t funny, it wasn’t touching, but it was just plain gross. And I’m sure Kevin Smith would be proud of that.
I know “Judd Apatow probably wouldn’t have a career without Kevin Smith” (yeah right), but just because someone came before someone else doesn’t mean that person deserves all this praise and gratitude for opening up some imaginary door, okay? Because the door was never really opened. I can imagine someone running and slamming against that door really hard repeatedly, and then someone coming up behind him and easily turning the knob. It’s like Excalibur, okay? And Judd Apatow is King Arthur. Kevin Smith has never mastered the art of balancing the schmaltz and the ick. Ever. Every time he goes for something heartfelt it comes across as lame, and it’s pretty hard not to get your goal when you go for the gross out effect. And even that felt like he was trying too hard. Oh, you’re shooting an anal scene and you’re sooooo constipated? I wonder if anyone is going to get shit on…? Just stop it.
Every time Elizabeth Banks is supposed to feel something , she got this goofy smile on her face and Andy would ask me, “What the FUCK is she doing?” She’s emoting, Andy. She’s emoting. Because the rest of the world doesn’t know what falling in love looks like, she thought she would break it down nice and easy. I read somewhere that she wanted the audience to really feel that she was “over the moon” for Seth’s character because she never got that impression from Katherine Heigl in Knocked Up. Sure, okay. But I keep thinking of that scene in Knocked Up where Alison and Ben are sitting on her bed and deciding to be together for the baby and Alison asks Ben not to fuck her over and Ben asks her not to fuck HIM over??? I’ll take it. You know why? Because it worked.
Seth Rogen wasn’t much better. I think both of these actors are hilarious/lovely/good in everything else BUT this movie. This leads me to believe that it’s all Kevin Smith’s fault. You should’ve let them ad-lib Kevin! It would’ve improved your script immensely! (*Don’t even get me started on Craig Robinson’s cheesy ass speech at the end of the movie. My ears are still bleeding.)
Kevin Smith! Stop the douchebaggery!