Stephen Sondheim FTW

After renting Sweeney Todd through Netflix, I let it sit on the counter in the living room for at least a week, not quite ready for the blood and gore. Because meat pie = vomittt. I watched a movie once where SIR Anthony Hopkins fed plain ole Jessica Lange her sons that were cooked into a meat pie. And it was so red and bright and gushy as she was digging into it, not realizing that she was the only one really digging it, because doi.  *covers mouth* 

Titus! That’s it! That movie was kind of awesome, though. So anyway, my sister Bethany and I were chatting one night and she mentioned Sweeney Todd and the amazing score, encouraging me to watch it if only for that. I decided to buck up and do so. I mean, I love 28 Days Later, and that movie is all kinds of gross. I can take a little blood and cannibalism! And let me tell you, if I wasn’t aware that Stephen Sondheim was god before, I am now. I feeeeel you Stephen, I feel you. And I’ll steal you, too.

*sidenote* Tim Burton seems to have a thing for pale blond girl-women who are hideous but are supposedly breathtaking. Is it a gothic thing? The whole story balances on the supposed beauty of this broad:

Truly?

Truly?

for which nothing would’ve even gone down if she wasn’t so damn BEAUTIFUL. There was a barber and his wife, see…and she was BEAUTIFUL. So beautiful that some judge sees her and absolutely needs to be with her, husband be damned! He throws some random charge at Benjamin (Barker, the innocent barber) who gets sent off to prison for fifteen years and returns as Sweeney (Todd, the demon barber). In those fifteen years, the judge tried sending flowers, and when that didn’t work, he raped Lucy (the BEAUTIFUL wife) in front of loads of people at a costume party. And. no one. stopped. him. Know why? Because there’s a hole in the world like a great black pit, and the vermin of the world inhabit it, and its morals aren’t worth what a pin can spit, and it goes by the name of London. So Lucy takes a bunch of arsenic and the judge takes her daughter. OOkay. o_O And the daughter? Johanna? She’s also BEAUTIFUL. She mesmerizes a lad at mere sight with the power of her “beauty”.

Mmmmkay

Mmmmkay

If you ask me, why go after the judge? It’s these Barker women who should be stopped! Driving men knackers, the shame!  So Sweeney Todd and Mrs. Lovett (Helena Bonham Carter, who is my absolute favorite crazy person-actress), go to town on the people of London, he for love of his wife, she for love of him. There’s a lot of singing and slitting of throats, the end. 

You know what was BEAUTIFUL? Sweeney’s razors. They’re shiny! He calls them his friends. And sings to them. That’s the real love story here, if you ask me.

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10 Comments

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10 responses to “Stephen Sondheim FTW

  1. The pixie girl in the second shot is ok….in 2d at least. Her head looks like it could be strange and wobbly, and perhaps damage the neck.

    Umm. Didn’t I see this movie already? Are you sure he doesn’t cut hedges & ice in his spare time?

  2. Jen

    It’s quite possible that he does…

  3. Okay, first, have you not seen Tim’s other work because bobble-head whimsical and yet unattractive is his orgasm. Which I totally get, for some reason. But I think the point of the movie is not that he is killing people over a beautiful woman…so much as his WIFE… and being imprisoned…and his daughter being taken… oh that and I love the fact that the whole thing actually revolves around Mrs. Lovett. She is the actual demon in the play, which is just enchanting for some reason. Cold. And enchanting. Because she’s so sociable, yet callous if you think about it.

  4. Me + Stephen Sondheim + Thomas Newman + James Horner + Hans Zimmer + Ron Perlman. 😀

  5. Jen

    Beth: Wait what?? He’s upset that his family was taken away from him?? Why couldn’t he just get over it? Okay, duh. I get that he loves his wife. But he would’ve lived a long and happy life with her if not for her BEAUTY. But seriously, I think the cool thing about movies/plays/novels/whathaveyou is that someone might see a different “point” than someone else. There’s never just one.

  6. That’s weird, there’s a whole academic discipline in which you have to analyze the point of a play until you get to the author’s point. 😛

  7. Jen

    You’ve opened up a whole new world to me, please tell me more about this academic discipline! I remember analyzing plays and coming to more than one interpretation. Unless the author writes “Listen up, fools, here’s what I mean in ten words or less…” you can’t actually test someone on “What was the POINT of this play?” without getting several “correct” answers.
    Art is subjective.

  8. As an artist, I find that as funny as many others do (Morrison and Tan, to name two) – many people really do have A point. I’m going to ram my head into the wall. Because I’m having stupid waves of irrational thoughts and feelings and a migraine from my menstrual. I hate when people blanketing say emotional women must be menstruating but really, it is like having surgery every month. I guess I shouldn’t hate admitting that hormones are rampant. In larger doses than is appropriate. I’m going. To crack my head. Against a wall.

  9. Jen

    Okay, that was scary fast!
    I’m not saying authors don’t have a point, but I think readers might take away something from the work that was not originally intended.
    I think this argument got a little too convuluted.
    Go take a hot bath or something, you little mental patient.

  10. As I look back on what I wrote half an hour ago…I think I may have gotten off topic.

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