This past weekend we headed off to the lovely Eugene to visit our friends Meg and Andy, who we don’t see nearly enough. We finally got to check out their new house, which is adorable and cozy and has a great leather couch that Zain can drool on to his heart’s content without causing any actual damage. Meg made us incredibly delicious meals (I really need to learn how to cook like a grownup) and we discussed everything from politics to genetal herpes. Just kidding about the last part. But I love our conversations, Meg always manages to crack me up. I miss those crazy kids already.
While we were there Meg and I got to talking about what this next birth will be like (more like what I HOPE it will be like). I want to have a natural birth this time and it scares the shit out of me. But, I feel it needs to be done. I don’t feel right about drugging my newborn child before he enters the world. I remember getting the epidural with Z and feeling NO PAIN (Oh God it was amazing) but I freaked out soon after because his heartbeat went waaay down and all of a sudden we were discussing the possibility of an emergency c-section. And after all that, it wore off on one side. Not to mention the fact that I started running a really high fever (either due to my OB breaking my water for me or the epidural…I really have no clue) and both Z and I ended up needing antibiotics. So while it scares me to death to think of all that pain, it scares me more to think of something happening to Fetus. Meg suggested that I watch “The Business of Being Born” to get more info about natural births, home births, midwives, etc. So I did…and I ended up crying about 5 times. Give or take.
I have, as of today, switched to a midwife. It all feels so strange, like I broke up with my OB. Oh Lord, I broke up with my pregnant doctor. Am I silly to think that she’ll care? That maybe she’ll sink down into a chair and put her head in her hands whispering, “I never saw it coming…”? Maybe just a bit. Anyway, I had my consultation today and my next appointment isn’t for 3 more weeks. I feel like I’m headed in the right direction. And! The midwifery clinic is a part of a hospital, so that is a sort of “security” for me, instead of jumping straight into a home birth.