Who knew it was spelled Berenstain?

I thought it was Stein. Or Steen.

Meh.

Anyway, Andy and I have been buying more books for Zain; our recent additions are Big Book of The Berenstain Bears (5 in 1) and A Hatful of Dr Seuss (5 or 6 in 1). I’m not liking the bulk books and will buy them separately from now on, I’m good with the whole trying to ease a dictionary sized book out of Z’s hands while I’m reading it. Too awkward. Anyway, reading these books to Zain made me realize how much they suck. Specifically The Berenstain Bears. And by the way, I really hate having to write out Berenstain every time I mention the book. Ah well. Jan and Stan…wait, what? Their names are JAN AND STAN? Hmmm. Of course, I’ll have to take that into account.

So I could blame the scardicious nature of the books on the time that they were written but…come on. Mama and Papa Bear don’t tell Brother Bear (then called Small Bear) that Mama is pregnant until she’s about to pop? Really? Because…it would make his head explode? Wait, Mom and Dad made the beast with two backs? Oh right! Husbands and wives slept in separate beds and had sex once a month through a sheet. Yeah, I know…obviously this is a children’s book NOT titled “The birds and the bees.” But still…clue the lil fella in, mmkay? So he knows he’s about to be replaced a big brother.

My favorite part was when Brother and Papa Bear went to go make a new bed in the forest and come back to find the baby has already been born! It’s all so magical! It’s good to know that with my next child, I can just send Andy and Zain off to run errands while I calmly give birth alone! Alls it takes is a couple of good grunts, ya know? Just a lazy afternoon.

I really should write my own children’s books.

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7 Comments

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7 responses to “Who knew it was spelled Berenstain?

  1. Jeez. You birth a baby in ten minutes and you never hear the end of it.

    Also…perhaps you don’t remember the Berenstench Bears video that Chris and I used to watch while laughing like we were high?? One of the episodes was about Sister Bear overcoming her fear of the dark. It went a little something… like this.
    “Imagination: behave yourself! Last warning, Imagination!”

  2. Jen

    Yeah, I forgot to mention that! That was simply buck-tastic! Every time I read the story to Z I think of Sister talking to her imagination. Crazy bitch.

    -hee-

  3. Me thinks it’s the funniest thing ever. Wish I had that video along with the marionette puppet one from which I oft sing … this song.

    Chickens squawk! Chickens squawk! Don’t start talkin’ that chicken talk! Chickens squawk, bawk-bawk-bawk bawk bawk. You’ll never fly if you’re afraid to walk!

    YEAY!

  4. I didn’t know it was spelled that way..that certainly doesn’t sound the way it does in my head!

    Kids books all seem kind of inane and illogical to me. It seems like what makes or breaks them is how cute parents think the illustrations are.

  5. Please do not confuse the Berenstench bears for being the norm among children’s books. Yarg and a half. You know what Zephyr needs? Don’t Let The Pigeon Stay Up Late. The guy who did that Sheep in the City (?) show. Love’m.

  6. meg

    in this moment, i’d be a little afraid of just what type of children’s book you’d write…

  7. Jen

    hahaha. Nah but seriously, it would be AWESOME.

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