When I was a kid, my sister Bethany and I performed “L-O-V-E” in our bedroom with these heartshaped seafoam green and peach pillows (my mom was o-b-s-e-s-s-e-d with the color seafoam green at the time). We taped this special performance, because it was THAT stellar. The song was the Natalie Cole version, as we listened to her album Unforgettable nonstop.
Now, listening to Christmas music as I work, I cringe everytime I hear Natalie’s voice. It’s not because I’m wistful or anything like that, it’s simply because her voice really annoys the hell out of me. And when she tries to scat? Jiminy Christmas! Put me OUT of my misery. It kind of reminds me of Mumble from Happy Feet: he wants to express himself in the same way as his mom and dad, and he ends up ruining everyone’s day with his ugly squawk. So he sticks to keeping his mouth shut and tap dancing on ice. My point? Some things don’t run in the family, but everyone wishes to God they did. Stick to…whatever else you can do Natalie. That’d be drugs, right? (Harsh!) Lisa Marie Presley put out an album and everyone got scary, drawing waaaaay too many similarities that don’t even exist. And when she danced in one of her music videos people were like, “Great Scott! Is she doing her father’s hip gyrations! Like father like daughter!” Does Chuck Berry have a daughter? Let’s get her a record deal!
*listens* Why does Christmas music have to suck so hard? And this station plays the same 5 songs over and over again. Mariah Carey, Frank Sinatra, Karen Carpenter (vomit), Nat King Cole, Natalie Cole, Josh Groban…the safe bets. Hardly any variation. Where’s Holiday Road? That’s one song I don’t think I could tire of. It’s so darn peppy! Then again, hearing it on a steady loop might change that. On second thought, don’t play it. Keep this one thing sacred.