A Guide to Recognizing a (Raw and Real!) Coming of Age Drama

There’s 1 part loss of innocence: usually involves stupidity and violence. In this case, I’d call it collective brain failure. No one in this movie makes any damn sense. They’ve all got this twisted idea of allegiance to family over all else, even when your father beats you to a bloody pulp or just plain refuses to hear you when you’re calling out for help. Saving yourself is not an option. If you do, you’re a rat… a schmuck… a coward.

1 part first love: I couldn’t get over the conversation between Dito (Shia LaBeouf) and Laurie (Melonie Diaz) that pretty much went like this:

Dito: I mean, I think…you know…you’re beautiful and shit.
Laurie: Thank you.
Laurie: Do you wanna kiss me?
Dito doesn’t answer, and Laurie looks soulfully into his eyes.

Laurie: Do you wanna kiss me?
Dito: I mean, you know…I just wanna fuck you.
Laurie: Oh, really. Man, you’re really buggin’.
Dito: I mean…I just…I wanna fuck you.
Laurie: Yeah? Well, I wanna fuck you too. I do!
They rest their foreheads together.

…the fuck? I especially loved it when Dito tells Laurie to “shut the fuck up and get out of my house” and manages to leave a bruise on her arm while he’s carting her out of there.

Say it with me: AWWWWWW.

1 part colorful characters/locals: People walking around asking if someone’s “rock or disco”, commenting on the weather, dissecting the flavor of New York…yadda yadda yadda. Everyone is looking ragged. Scrapes and bruises are the fashion. No sentence is complete without the word fuck. Keep in mind, most of the screenplay is random chatter. Cuz that’s how people talk in real life. Recognize.

Oh and don’t forget a splash of unnecessary death, it makes it nice and raw.

I couldn’t understand some of the casting. Rosario Dawson, Robert Downey Jr and Eric Roberts are playing people that grew up together, even though Robert is about fifteen years older than Rosario and Eric is nine years older that Robert, not to mention twenty three years older than Rosario. And it shows. Eric Roberts is only in one scene, though so… I guess it doesn’t affect things too much.

And can I mention the fact that Eric Roberts, king of B movies, is popping up EVERYWHERE?? First he’s in music videos, then The L Word and Heroes…I really won’t be surprised if I turn on Girlfriends next season and he’s hanging out with the girls.

So that’s A Guide to Recognizing Your Saints. Thought it would be good, ended up being one of the most pretentious pieces of shit I’ve ever seen.



Filed under Movies

5 responses to “A Guide to Recognizing a (Raw and Real!) Coming of Age Drama

  1. andy [Member]

    Eric Roberts is also going to be in the Oprah biopic, I think he’s playing Steadman.

  2. Bethany Morrow [Visitor]

    Hell fucking yeah, he should play Steadman. This – along with Angelina’s new movie – is the beginning of what I like to call “White Actors Take Back The Night”…which means indiscriminately get cast as Black people. That shit would actually be hilarious to me and I’d appreciate the balls it would take to do an out-and-out eff you instead of that cowardly underhanded racism they always try and deny.

  3. meg [Visitor]

    i was really hoping rehab was going to make robert downey jr make better choices in life. Oh well. at least he tried???

  4. meg [Visitor]

    just so you know, i was at the movie place and saw this and DID NOT rent it because of your review, even though i’m still sorta interested in seeing it. isn’t that strange??? Oh the power of Jen!

    I wonder what she’ll convince me of next…

  5. jen [Member]

    Happy to be of service. Although I’m not discouraging you from seeing it…who knows, maybe you won’t think it’s a steaming pile of shite as I did. It could happen. 😛

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